


The Universe Hates You, Craig Tucker

by The Elder Gays (Katanachan)



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Childhood Friends, College, College roomates, Comfort/Angst, Crenny, Death, Depression, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Gratuitous Smut, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Attraction, Past Bunny, Past creek, Praise Kink, References to Depression, Roommates, Shameless Smut, Slow Romance, Smut, Temporary Character Death, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, pinning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-07 19:58:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14678367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katanachan/pseuds/The%20Elder%20Gays
Summary: Ever since he saw that first death, Kenny's been in total focus. Now when he thinks he's gotten away from those beautiful unattainable blue eyes, he finds himself seeing them again at college.The Universe clearly hates Craig Tucker.





	1. Captain's Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Craig lost count of how many times he’s watched the boy meet his end. Dismembered, crushed, decapitated, impaled, and each time Kenny appearing alongside his friends the next day at school, cheeky grin plastered firmly over his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Craig doesn't pine enough.  
> Time to change that.
> 
> Crenny? Oh, but of course.
> 
> We were bouncing around a couple ideas and headcanons, and started yet another crenny because we adore these boys and can't help ourselves.

He'd always been there, lingering at the edges of his periphery.  An orange smudge in the corner of his eye, a constant source of annoyance.  One of the four harbingers of bullshit.  
  
Craig remembers the day Kenny came into focus.  He hates that it took watching him die for it to happen.  
  
He doesn't remember crying, just the shock and the pain, the voice in his head echoing _he has a little sister too_ getting to him in a way he wasn't expecting.  
  
And when Kenny showed up at school the next day, Craig thought he had gone completely insane.

The blond laughed and joked and grinned.  But Craig noticed the way Kenny’s lips would falter, voice catching at the end of a joke, and how no smile fully reached his eyes.  So he watched and listened and _waited_ , anticipating the other shoe to drop.  
  
When Kenny died the second time, blood splattering and smearing across the road, across the front of the bus that hit him, Craig felt the sick twist of panic curl in his gut when people switched from horrified to uncaring in a matter of minutes.    
  
The blood remained caked on the road even after the blond returned to school.  
  
Craig lost count of how many times he’s watched the boy meet his end.  Dismembered, crushed, decapitated, impaled, and each time Kenny appearing alongside his friends the next day at school, cheeky grin plastered firmly over his lips.    
  
He wondered if he really _had_ lost it, if the monsters and terrors that plagued Tweek were slowly assimilating into his life.  Why no one else in town seemed to give a shit that one of its citizens, let alone a fucking _kid_ , died on an almost regular basis only to come back unscathed.    
  
...If Kenny had any idea that he was a walking impossibility.     
He was thirteen when he first cried over Kenny McCormick.    
  
Craig lost count of how many funerals he had been to for the boy in the orange parka.  He wanted to forget, wanted desperately to join the ignorant masses and weep and mourn his classmate, his sort-of-friend with the gap-toothed grin.  To talk to Kenny, to ask and beg and plead with him to find out what was happening, why he was standing in his best suit at the blonde’s freshly dug grave for the umpteenth time since he turned ten.  

Long after the coffin was lowered into the ground, after his classmates and parents left, Craig continued to stare at the slowly diminishing mound of dirt, watching the gravediggers cover Kenny’s coffin in the moist earth.  He stayed after they finished, mind impossibly blank and legs aching from the cold and remaining still for so long.

The droplets of rain broke him from his trance, green eyes blinking up at the cloudy sky.  Pocketing his hands, Craig made his way back toward the street, walking through the rows of graves until one caught his eye.  It was newer than most of the others, the headstone still bright and clean.  
  
The name on it sent ice through his veins.    
  
He gripped the headstone, fingers frantically pressing against the name carved into its surface.  Looking up from the stone, Craig forced his feet to carry him down the row, inspecting each grave marker, heart pounding when a familiar name appeared again and again.  
  
Kenneth McCormick  
Kenneth McCormick  
_Kenneth McCormick_  
  
Craig’s knees gave out in front of the last headstone, hands gripping it and scraping against the rough stoneface.  The tears he hadn’t shed for years caught up to him all at once, a wet sob ripping from his throat as the drizzle turned into a downpour.  Pressing his forehead to the cool stone, Craig let himself grieve for the blond boy who smiled too openly and died too often.

He returned the next day, eyes dry and jaw set firm, the biggest bouquet of flowers he could get with his meager allowance clutched in his hands.  Pulling several flowers from the wrapping, Craig placed the bouquet among the various flowers, pinwheels, and stuffed animals littered around the grave.    
  
As he left, Craig walked each row in the cemetery, leaving a flower on each grave for Kenny that the rest of the world forgot.    
As they grew, friend groups merging and relationships rising and falling, the once blurred Kenny McCormick came into perfect focus, edges sharpening with each laugh, toothy grin, and wild adventure.  Craig was drawn to the enigma, like a moth to a flame, and felt himself wither and burn every time he died.  
  
He doesn't know exactly when things changed.  The laugh that used to send prickles irritation down his neck now had him shivering.  Dull eyes became vibrant azure, freckles morphing into a universe of brilliant stars across the blond's skin.  
  
So he watched, and waited, and pined after something unattainable, something that scared him and made him want to be brave in the face of everything Kenny had been through.  
  
But how could be bridge that gap, broach such an insane thing the he still didn’t fully understand.  
  
He did nothing.  
  
He managed to escape South Park, the endless sea of disaster and insanity.  The gorgeous blond with the asshole friends.  
  
And the day he moved into his dorm and saw the well-worn orange parka draped over the chair in the corner of the room, Craig knew the universe truly wanted to fuck with him.

It's clear when Kenny enters the room that he's fresh from the shower. There's remittance of laughter left in his tone as he enters the room, skipping on one foot through the door as he dodges some sort of nerf projectile from someone in the hallway. As the blond struggles to hold onto his towel, his eyes lift and instantly there's recognition as baby blues settle on Craig.  "Not only does my roommate finally make an appearance,” his eyes go wide in mock disbelief as his smile twists into a full blown grin,  “but they also turn out to be none other than Craig Tucker!” Kenny glides across the room quickly, raising his arms to wrap them unceremoniously around the other, giving the taller boy a huge wet hug. It takes a second, a second that drags on so long Craig can't even believe it's still happening, but Kenny eventually backs off with a genuine smile.  
  
"Sorry dude, I just can't believe this! Oh yeah, whoops. I musta still been wet," Kenny shakes his head, water droplets going everywhere as he attempts to get some of the water off. The towel tied to his waist slips a little with his hipbone showing and Craig feels like his throat couldn't possibly get any more dry. "Just got out of the shower," the blond states, waving his arm down his body in a dramatic flourish, "obviously."

If Craig had been watching himself in this situation, he would have rolled his eyes or punched himself in the face.  Or some combination of the two. His mouth hanging open slightly as Kenny's muscles flex as he pulls his shirt over his head.  
  
"Dude I didn't know anyone else from South Park applied to this school? What are the odds, man?" Kenny faces him, lifting both of his eyebrows before looking around the room.

The noirette opens his mouth to say something, to answer one of the multiple things Kenny said, anything, but every thought beyond _Kenny McCormick in a towel_ dies on his tongue.  
  
He definitely deserves a punch in the face.  
  
"Uh, heeey," Craig frowns inwardly.   _Nice one, Tucker_.  "I guess we're...roommates."  
  
Kenny's shoulders shake with the intensity of his laugh, his smile bright and vibrant as he walks a step closer, patting Craig on the shoulder. "Good to know some things don't change, a man of few words still huh?" He asks as he wanders over to his dresser, Kenny fiddles with a few objects inside before fishing out a pair of boxers, artfully slipping them on under the towel before he unwraps it from his waist.

 _Keep your eyes up, jackass_ , Craig thinks as his eyes follow Kenny’s movements.  
  
“I take by your silence the answer is yes." Kenny jokes before backtracking, "Roommates, I noticed that,” he starts, heading over to hang his towel on a mini rack, “you don’t mind that I took the right side, right?”  
  
"Yeah, that's fine," Craig walks to the bed at the left of the room, finally able to speak. He sets his backpack down on this bare mattress, kicking his suitcase to the end of the bed.  
  
Craig clears his throat awkwardly, busying himself with pulling things out of his backpack. "Yeah, I thought I was the only person from South Park coming here, too. Small world, huh?"  
  
“Seriously,” Kenny adds, drying his hair with a smaller towel. “But, man, I’m glad to see a familiar face. This place is huge and I’m a little out of my depth.”  Kenny offers a soft expression, stopping the movement of the towel as he looks up, his smile goes crooked. “I was a little scared, not gonna lie. Being away from the others for the first time.”  
  
"Yeah, me too," Craig admits before he realizes it, pausing as he pulls an old teddy bear out of his bag. It's from Tricia, and as much as his younger sister said she wouldn't miss his stupid gangly ass, when she hugged him goodbye, shoving the bear to his chest before running back into the house, his heart swelled. _I'll miss you too._ "It's nice to at least _know_ someone."  
  
The blond wordlessly stares at the ragged teddy bear before grinning. He crosses the room and snatches up Karen’s doll from his dresser, displaying it to Craig. “Sisters, huh?”  
  
Something softens in Craig at that, a genuine smile crossing his lips because he can’t help it. "Tell me about it. But at least Karen is sweet. Tricia's way too cool for her older brother."  
  
“I don’t know, man. I remember Tricia being over a few times with Karen, I seem to recall her regaling tales of her ‘amazing older brother’.” Kenny chuckles, watching the smile on Craig’s face. There's a pause between them before Kenny launches into another question, giving Craig little time to process. “Sooo, what’s your class load looking like?”  
  
Craig runs a hand through his hair, huffing out a little sigh, "Probably pretty bad. I tried to take it easy since it's the first semester, but there was a lot I wanted to take."  
  
“I’m taking it slow, just four classes for me this semester.” Stretching, the blond tosses his smaller towel to the rack to join the other before laying down on his bed. Leaning up he pulls a book off his shelf, it takes him a second of fiddling but he finally turns the lamp light on and settles into start reading. “I have so much work due for tomorrow already, it’s rude of them to assign something for the first day.“ Kenny pouts before adding, “just don’t over do it.”  
  
"It's only 5 classes, but I'll try." Dragging his suitcase up onto the mattress, he sets about unpacking it, filling the small bookshelf over his bed with a couple novels and Red Racer figures. He pulls out a coffee mug, placing it gingerly next to a well-loved copy of Slaughterhouse Five before getting to work on putting away his clothes.  
  
Kenny catches a glance of the coffee mug and speaks up as he absentmindedly turns another page, trying to absorb as much of the reading material as he can. “I’m shocked you and Tweek went to different colleges. Gonna make the long distance thing work?” The question seems to come out of no where, but Craig doesn't put too much weight into it, this particular conversation haunting him everywhere he goes.  
  
Craig said he would be honest from now on. Now that he wasn't in that stupid town, finally away from everything and everyone that tried to confine him into little boxes of their own making. "We broke up."  
  
A loud thump resounds in the room as Kenny's book falls from his hands onto his thighs, his eyes are comically wide and his lips are slightly parted when the word, " _Whhhhhhhaaat?_ " sounds dumbly from between them. The blond's face goes through many emotions quickly before it settles down on what Craig would assume is an empathetic stare. “Wow, I’m sorry. Was it mutual? I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Kenny reaches up to rub at his neck sheepishly, “ _Ah fuck_ , I didn’t know.”  
  
"It's fine, man," Craig shrugs a shoulder, having expected a similar reaction.  "We're still best friends, it just kind of...fizzled. After a while. Guess you could say it was mutual.  We decided we worked better as friends than anything else."

The other boy nods, staring at the wall in front of him, most likely processing the information, before he picks his book back up. "I mean, makes sense I suppose. Ya'll dated for a pretty long time, sometimes shit just doesn't work out?" The blond pauses to stare at the same page he was on before the dramatics, reaching toward his nightstand to pick up his highlighter.  "Sucks but it's nice to hear you two are still friends, I still feel bad for bringing it up." Kenny offers as he covers his book in pink highlighter.

"Yeah.  I wondered a few times if it was all of the history together that finally did it or something," Craig takes several hastily folded shirts and shoves them in a drawer.  "But he's my best friend. I don't see that changing."  
  
Craig frowns inwardly, frustrated with how easily he's just _talking_ to Kenny about anything and everything.  He's honest and up front, but that doesn't mean he needs to be giving Kenny this entire backstory.  Just because they sort of knew each other and were now roommates didn't mean they were friends, as much as Craig's pathetic crush mentally insisted the opposite.  
  
It appears as if Kenny is pondering over that information, humming slightly to himself as he marks a few more sentences, "I wouldn't think it would. But you're lucky," He lifts the end of the highlighter and chews on it briefly, squinting at the section he needs to focus on. "Some people date and stop talking. That's what happened to me and Leo, I barely get a text from him on Thanksgiving or my birthday."

"Wait," Craig stops mid fold, turning and staring at Kenny with wide eyes.  "You and Butters? Seriously? I had no idea..."

"Yeah, we didn't actually tell many people." Kenny quietly responds as he very lightly shrugs his shoulder, "it wasn't something we wanted getting back to his parents, yanno?"

Craig nods, eyes dropping from the almost sad look on Kenny's face. "That makes sense. His parents are batshit insane."

"Yeah, you could say that." Kenny mutters, not lifting his eyes from the reading before he highlights another part. "They would have flipped out and sent him to another ‘ _Pray the Gay_ ’ away summer camp." The highlighter stops just short of the end of the sentence before he looks up. "But you know, it didn't work out for us anyway and Leo got as far away from them as he could. So in the end, they lost." He pulls a face, eyes wandering to the ceiling as he taps his finger on the book. Another second or two passes silently before the end of the highlighter is back in his mouth as he quietly chews on the end.

"I just wish he hadn't gone so silent after we broke up. I wanted to stay friends, but Leo wanted like, no connection to his old life." The highlighter dangles from Kenny's lips as they turn downward into a frown, Craig can barely hear the words the blond mutters, but his heart sinks when he realizes what he said was, ' _I don't blame him.'_

"It's kind of harsh on his part," Craig replies softly, turning back to unpacking to give Kenny some semblance of privacy.  "But his family, that entire _town_ is a giant dumpster fire, so I guess I get it.  Doesn't make it any easier for you though." He takes another haphazardly folded shirt and drops it in the drawer, closing it with a sigh.  "I'm sorry, dude."

"Don't sweat it," Kenny quips as he turns the page and puckers his lips in concentration, the highlighter hanging on for dear life, "It's not like it's gonna kill me."

That line nearly derails every thought Craig has. The longer he's known Kenny, the more he noticed how much he _joked_ about dying. Hearing it now puts his heart in a vice.

There’s a beat before Kenny chuckles, "It sure is a dumpster fire, but it's our dumpster fire." He muses softly, the highlighter finally losing what grip it had in his mouth, falling to the book and spooking the blond slightly.

"You're not wrong," Craig mumbles, schooling his voice into his usual monotone despite the sharp pang of anguish at _knowing_ that still has him rattled. _Pull yourself together, Tucker._ "Our little dumpster fire."

\-----  
  
The first couple of weeks go by so quickly that Kenny can't even believe it. In that time, he's had the opportunity to spend more time with Craig and to his shock and delight, the other boy has been much nicer than his school friends had convinced him growing up. Not only has Craig let him borrow his notes from their Astronomy class a few times, saving his ass. But he also practically nursed Kenny back to health after during their first week of school, he'd somehow contracted University crud. The fact that he was kind enough to pick up his assignments along with his own, and even pick him up soup cafeteria when he thought he was going to starve to death, really drove home how much he had misjudged Craig over the years.  
  
The cherry on top of all of that, was that Craig Tucker was hands down the most amazing roommate Kenny could ask for. He kept his stuff clean, no weird smells, and never left food sitting around. All in all, Kenny felt like he hit the god damn lottery.  
  
It's late, much later than Kenny normally comes back to the dorm. He's wiped out, having to make up an entire weeks worth of assignments taking every inch of energy he might have had. Kenny quietly unlocks the door, he knows it's late but he doesn't think Craig is asleep, so he starts talking before the door is even fully open. “Hey Craig, do we have an astronomy lab tonight? I totally forgot.”

Craig doesn't think he's ever moved this fast in his life. Whipping the covers over himself and freezing, the heat that crawls up his neck has him feeling like he's suffocating.  
  
Because it had been _a day._  
  
A day that started out fine, average even, had descended into absolute bullshit by 10am. Between his phone slipping out of his hoodie pocket and earning its place in a bag of rice on his desk, the kid in front of him in ethics spilling hot coffee all over him, and a pop quiz from _hell_ , he would have been more than irritated, but fine. But the rain soaking him to the bone, his Chucks practically disintegrating in a puddle, and his 6 page paper being stapled a quarter inch too far to the left and therefore deemed unacceptable by his asshole professor drove him over the edge.  
  
He returned to his room, promptly stripped out of his soggy clothes and flopped on his bed. Craig considered removing his boxers for half a second before the blush kicked in because even if Kenny wasn't in the room, it was still their shared space.  
  
Even the thought of the blond was enough to rile Craig up these days, and their close living proximity wasn't helping his _problem._  It was a crush, a stupid crush that had grown over the years, but it was downright flourishing over the past two weeks of being roommates.

Kenny had worked his way into his life, seamlessly attaching himself to Craig, and _fuck_ even everything in the room had that lingering scent that was purely _Kenny._ Part vanilla, part floral, and part driving Craig up the fucking wall.  
  
He groaned, shoving his face into his pillow and pulling his covers up to his waist, kicking off his boxers because screw it. Craig had had a _shitty_ day and if he could forget about it and bask in the mental images of his incredibly attractive roommate he had compiled over the past weeks, it was worth the risk and shame of jerking off to Kenny in their shared room.

Besides, it wasn't like he was in _Kenny's_ bed. _Oh, but there's a thought_ , his brain supplied, bucking into his hand as it closed around his growing erection.

Craig willed the day to fall away around him, focusing on each sliver of skin he'd spotted, the way Kenny's towel hung low on his hips after a shower, his fucking gorgeous _laugh._  
  
So when he hears the door unlock, effectively cutting off his rapidly approaching orgasm, Craig buries himself in his comforter, gripping the base of his cock hard, and pretends to be asleep.

“Craig?” Kenny calls as he finally gets the door open, turns out juggling your backpack and keys when the lock decides to stick can be a bit distracting. He notices a little too late that the lights are out as he mutters a quiet, "Oh fuck."  
  
Upon walking in, he realizing Craig’s might be trying to take a nap. Kenny tries to kick off his shoes as carefully as humanly possible, putting his bag down. He’s dripping wet from the rain, and the room is freezing cold. He knows he's going to need to change, but he doesn't exactly want to leave the room to do so. Kenny attempts to peel his wet clothes off without making too much noise, figuring the room was dark enough and Craig was asleep anyway, it wouldn't bother him if he got undressed. The blond tugs at his shirt before getting it off and hanging it on the rack next to his jacket to drip dry.

Next he focus’ on peeling off his stupid skinny jeans one leg at a time, the fabric sticking to his thighs. “Dang it,” he mutters to himself, cursing the material for not budging.

It takes a few minutes but he gets them off and puts them on the rack too. Kenny stretches out the kinks in his shoulders, shivering in the cool air of the room before walking over to his dresser in search of a shirt, grabbing a long one and shimming it on quickly.

Craig stares at the fabric pulled over his head, hearing the distinct sounds of clothes rustling, and that _really_ isn't helping right now.  
  
Chancing a glance through a gap in the covers, the noirette lets out a shaky breath, watching Kenny hang up his pants and stretch. The other boy's boxers cling to him and it makes Craig's stomach lurch like the gross voyeur that he probably is.  
  
This stupid crush was getting out of control.

Kenny climbs into his bed and pulls the covers up and over his shoulder. He yawns and sets his alarm, their lab is late at night and Craig has the right idea in taking a nap. 

Listening to the other boy’s soft breathing is comforting to hear and it calms him down enough to pass out.  
  
_He shouldn't._  
  
He definitely shouldn't start up the steady stokes again, biting his bottom lip to keep the blond across the room from waking up. Or notice the way Kenny's lips part slightly in his sleep. Or how his freckles still stand out against his skin in the dim light.  
  
But he does, muffling his moan with his pillow, wanting to just get this _over_ with because he's so hard it hurts and Kenny being mere feet away from him is doing nothing to slow his hand.  
  
Craig comes with a silent gasp, shutting his eyes tight and wishing that the hand around him belonged to someone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Did we tag 'eventual smut'? 
> 
> Whoops.


	2. Ground Control To Major Craig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week, Kenny's paper came and went, and the subject of hair petting seems to have evaporated. Craig hates to admit that he was looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, we bring you guys the next installment! 
> 
> Maybe soon the universe won't be so mean to our dear Craig, but it is not this day.

A month into school, Craig can tell that the pressure of Kenny’s classes has begun to really weigh on him. The blond seems beyond over whelmed, looking frazzled and stressed instead of his signature laid back, easy nature. It’s obvious he’s been overworking himself to study for each class, and he appears to slip a bit further into his madness with each all-nighter he pulls. Empty cans of Red Bull and Monster litter his side of the dorm room, and it doesn’t even look like he’s touched his bed in days.

Craig is worried.  Being close with Tweek for so many years has made him acutely aware of someone reaching the end of their rope, and with each passing hour and study session and discarded energy drink can, Craig can almost feel the tension radiating from his roommate. 

_He needs to slow down before he kills himself over this._

The thought nearly catches him off-guard, and Craig only has a moment to mentally berate himself before he hears the lock click behind him.  
  
When Kenny walks into their shared room and kicks off his shoes, Craig can tell It’s been another rough day in a string of rough days. He looks incredibly exhausted and worn down as he grumbles on his way to his untouched bed. “I think I’m gonna die, Craig.” Kenny whines out upon seeing the other boy at his desk.

"Can you not?" Craig calls over his shoulder, typing frantically at his computer. "I feel like that would be awkward conversation with the university and the police that I'm not really looking forward to."

The blond dramatically drags his feet as he walks over, making a detour at the last second as he angles away from his bed and draping himself over Craig’s shoulders obnoxiously.  “Oh come on. That’s your concern? Like you could find another roommate as nice as me.”

Kenny squints his eyes at Craig’s computer screen, “Whatcha working on?” He reads a few lines before jutting his bottom lip out, “Dude, you suck. English? That’s so much easier than Psych, I have a research paper due soon and it’s _sooooo_ hard.” The blond whines out bumping his forehead on Craig’s shoulder for added dramatic flare.  
  
"Then why are you taking it?" Craig replies evenly as his brain grinds to a halt at Kenny pressed so close to him. He doesn't want to move him, doesn't want to shift away, and he knows that he should feel wrong for enjoying this situation.  
  
Ignoring that part of his brain in favor of memorizing every point of contact they have, Craig turns his head to try to get a better look at the dramatic blond. "You can always switch majors, you know."  
  
Kenny grumbles something unintelligent before he tightens his arms around the taller boy, “I can't change majors, stop filling my head with such nonsense ideas. I just wanna be naturally good at it, why is that so hard to ask?” Kenny whines a little more before banging his head against Craig's shoulder gently, frustration clearly laced in his tone. While they've spent a majority of their first month at school together, eating in the cafeteria, studying, playing video games until 3am on the weekends, this is _new_.  
  
"I'm sure you're doing fine," lifting his hand from the keyboard, Craig offers two quick pats to the top of Kenny's head in comfort, ignoring how soft his hair is against his palm.

Kenny’s eyes visibly light up at the gesture, as if he'd been waiting to see how Craig would react. “But what if I fail,” Kenny grounds out as a weird mix of emotions cross across his features, "helping people is all I'm actually good at."

"Then don't," Craig pointedly tries to focus on his paper again, but his interest in _The Girl With the Pearl Earring_ is all but nonexistent with Kenny draping himself over Craig like a cape.  "Be the master of your own destiny or whatever the fuck the line is."

Kenny groans and untangles himself from the other, wandering over to Craig’s bed and depositing himself directly on it, face down. “I’m going to just go jump out a window.” He complains, his voice muffled against Craig’s comforter with his arms laying lifeless beside him.

"Why are you so obsessed with me getting blamed for murder?" Craig's mouth goes a little dry at the way Kenny's ass is still sticking up in the air, face pressed firmly into Craig's pillow.  
  
_So much for being able to sleep tonight, you sick fuck._  
  
"Is it anything I can help with?"

“Hmmm...” The blond hums as he adjusts himself on Craig’s bed, he twists until he's laying correctly on the mattress with his feet up against the dorm room wall. He drapes himself backwards so that his shoulders and head are leaning almost over the edge so that he can watch Craig. After he seems to have found an acceptable position, Kenny focuses his attention back on the other boy. “How do you feel about positive reinforcement?” Kenny pauses before explaining, “Kyle used to give me these little gold stars every time I did something positive. Maybe you can help a brother out, hook me up with some gold stars?”

Craig raises an eyebrow at that, mouth turning up at the corners. "I shouldn't have to _bribe_ you to succeed since it benefits _you_.  But alright."  Resting an elbow on his armrest, Craig props his chin on his hand. "I used to buy Tweek chocolate covered espresso beans as a reward for making it through stressful situations, so I guess I get it."

“Oh shit, _chocolate_.” Kenny muses before closing his eyes to think. “See the only problem is, I don't think the power of Ky's gold stars are going to be strong enough for this situation." Kenny sighs, crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes in thought. "The only real thing that like, really helped with my stress levels back home was when Karen would play with my hair. She used to compare me to a stray cat she could lure in with treats and keep around with them good ole head scratches."  Kenny laughs at that, his lips quirking slightly. "My sister is so weird, heck, I'm so weird now that I really think about it."

Craig thinks about the brief contact they had, the way Kenny's hair felt like silk between his fingertips.  And apparently has absolutely no sense of self-preservation because his mouth opens and the words spill out before he has a chance to think about what he’s _saying_. "I can do that, I guess."

_And you can live the next year with a constant boner if he agrees, you piece of shit._

A pair of bright and slightly shocked, blue eyes blink open. It's clear there's some conflicting emotions that cross through them before Kenny's shifting off the bed and walking over to his bag to grab his books. “Huh,” the blond sits on the floor with his book open, choosing to just staring at the words, puzzled. “I didn’t think you’d actually agree?” he says, looking up at the boy at the desk. “Not that I’m opposed, that sounds kinda… nice? I'm just generally shocked that you'd even consider it, to be honest.”

“I mean,” Craig starts, the hopeful look crossing over Kenny’s tired eyes basically the final nail in the coffin for his sanity, “if it helps you, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Craig Tucker, actual softie. Who knew?” Kenny smiles so gently Craig feels his heart snap in half. He's leaning his head back against his bed, eyes trained on Craig as the noirette fidgets nervously in his seat.  _Gird your loins, Tucker. He’s exposed you._

The blond continues to watch him silently, his eyes almost perpetuating the idea that he could in fact, read Craig's mind at any given moment.

Kenny breaks the eye contact to turn a page in his book and there's clear amusement in his tone when he clears his throat and speaks, “I suppose I could tell everyone back home that your tough reputation was all bullshit, but I think it’s more fun to watch you squirm." He's clearly joking, but the way the blond teases Craig make's actually squirm in his seat.  _Maybe gird them a little faster, because that sass shouldn’t be cute._

“What about you, Kenny?” Craig raises an eyebrow, masking his flustered thoughts with his usual deadpan. “South Park’s notorious playboy asking for head-pets from the town nerdy gay kid.”

Kenny's eye narrows suspiciously as he listens to Craig, making no sudden movements as he rests his hand over the page he’s on. “‘Notorious playboy’? Is that what people call me?” His gaped teeth flash as a chuckle lifts out of his lips, his entire body shaking with mirth. “How little people actually know me will never cease to amaze me.”

“I don’t make the rules,” the taller boy says as evenly as possible, despite the endless waves of butterflies that have taken to trying to escape from his chest.  Craig opens his mouth to add on something witty, something to distract him from how this simple conversation is helping pull Kenny out of his funk, from the way his eyes shine brighter than he’s seen them in several days. The _real_ Kenny, full of insecurities, toothy grins, and the most beautiful laugh Craig has ever heard in his life.  
  
“How do you want them to see you?” Craig hears himself say, abandoning his work to focus all his attention on the blond next to him.  

The room is silent for a moment and Craig worries he might have said the wrong thing when Kenny looks up and just stares, his eyes slightly wider than normal. Surely, Craig thinks, he’s crossed some kind of personal line. But as quickly as that look appears, it’s replaced by soft laughter.

“I guess it isn’t a bad rep to have? But honestly, I’d rather people just get to know me and make their own decisions.” Kenny fiddles with his book, turning the page before he’s talking again, “I’d like to think I'm not half of what people think, you know? _I'd like to think_ I'm nice, easy going, maybe a little humorous? I would much rather my legacy in South Park be my good deeds, the times I helped my friends, or even the good times I left behind. It's just a little sad that all people will remember are the few lewd comments I made growing up and a handful of terrible rumors Cartman made up to get back at me for taking Heidi on a date once.” His lips curl at one corner and Craig feels his heart miss a beat. “I think people judge books by their covers too quickly,” blue eyes cast upward once more and lock with green. “I’m guilty of that too, you know. I’m really sorry Craig, I pegged you all wrong.”

“How did you peg me?” Craig props his chin on his palm, chest still incredibly tight at Kenny’s words.

“I didn’t think you liked me much,” Kenny answers honestly, a sadness lacing his words. “I mean, we hung out but you seemed like I annoyed you half the time. So,” His lips curl just a little bit more, “I’m glad to see you’re really nice. It’s my fault I assumed, I should have tried harder to get to know the real you.”

After years of carefully observing and picking apart and _pining_ after Kenny, Craig is left nearly stunned, because no amount of watching and casual encounters could have prepared him for this, for this honest and open person sitting next to him.  They have shared the same space, the same town, the same lives since pre-school, and yet in the month Kenny has been directly in his orbit he’s learned more than all their years in South Park. And Craig is drawn impossibly more to the blond than he ever thought possible.

_Fuck._

\-----

It's been a week, Kenny's paper has come and gone. Along with subject of hair stroking, or any talk of positive reinforcement, which now seems to have evaporated into thin air. Craig hates to admit that he was looking forward to it. Maybe Kenny forgot. Maybe he did bad on his paper or was embarrassed or just in a weird mood or _or or_...  
  
Craig lays on his bed, breathing in the lingering scent of Kenny's shampoo against his pillow from the multiple times the shorter boy made himself comfortable on the other's bed, and wishing he didn't care so much _because this would be so much easier if he didn't._ When the door slams open and with it, walks the blond in question.

Kenny seems as if he's bursting with renewed energy, Craig swears Kenny looks like he's almost glowing as he kicks the door shut and in a whirlwind pulls off his shoes, tossing them aside. It's then that the rambunctious blond takes a few large strides before leaping onto Craig’s bed. The two of them bounce with his weight before Craig has a face full of grinning moron way too close to his.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty! I finally got my test back. My Professor was a lazy bastard and kept forgetting to grade our papers.” Kenny is practically vibrating with how excited he is. He’s all sunshine as he flops down next to the other boy, smiling ear to ear. “You’re looking at a proud B+ student!” he almost sings in Craig’s face, pride dripping off of his words, “time to make good with your promise 'cause I worked my ass off, Tucker.”

Kenny follows it all up with a little wiggle as he makes himself comfortable, and Craig's stomach lurches at that, excitement and anxiety settling deep in his chest and making his heart rate spike. "Congratulations, McCormick," he offers a smile, willing the blush away from his cheeks as he lifts a hand to pat Kenny's head.

Kenny closes his eyes, smiling as his features visibly relax, appearing to enjoy the way the other boy combs through his sandy locks.

Craig tries to memorize everything about Kenny's face the moment his eyes close, burning every minute detail into his brain so he never forgets. Not that he could even if he wanted to.  
  
Kenny's hair is soft, slipping through his fingers easily. It's different than his own, different from Tweek's lighter hair. A strand flops over the blond's eyes, and Craig absently pushes it back, fingertips brushing over the other's forehead.  
  
Relaxing with each pass through Kenny's hair, Craig feels himself slipping further, trying desperately to ignore how close they are, how warm Kenny is so close to him.

When Kenny's breathing evens out with sleep, light lashes spread over his freckled cheeks, Craig allows himself to relax fully. His fingers brush Kenny's skin, tucking hair behind his ear, and wishing he could close the distance between them, to press his lips against his forehead, his cheek, his lips.  
  
Craig doesn't dare, would never take something that isn't his. The beautiful boy next to him is tempting, but he wants _Kenny_ , wants him to want this as much as he does.  
  
And if that never happens, well. At least he has _this_.

\-----

“I’m never opting for off-brand cereal again. The taste is off.  Not off enough to make me upset, but it’s off just enough to annoy me.” Kenny grumbles as he sits across from Craig in the cafeteria. He has his mouth full of milk and cereal but his rant cannot be stopped, even to take the time to chew. The blond’s spoon waves dramatically in the air, some milk speckling off on to Craig’s face.

Craig pulls a face as he reaches up to wipe it away as Kenny continues, “And you can taste that fraction of a difference, and you’re like ‘Is it me, or is it the cereal? I’m pretty sure it’s the cereal’. But it’s just enough to make me question if it _is_ me.  I bet that this is how Tweek feels every day of his life.” Craig raises an eyebrow to that last statement but before he can respond, Kenny is at it again.

“It’s like a disappointment party in your mouth.”  Kenny hands the bowl to Craig, gesturing with his free hand and handing him the spoon he just had in his mouth two seconds ago. “Taste this, go on.”  
  
“I haven’t had the brand one in years.” Craig’s words come out calm, collected, even, when in reality his mind has focused entirely on the social repercussions of deep throating your crush’s spoon for an indirect kiss. 

 _Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask Tweek about seeing a therapist._  
  
“Just try it, you’ll know,” Kenny pushes, his eyes eager for Craig to understand his plight. “Pleaaaase?” He practically begs, his bottom lip wobbling in a pout. “I need to know if I’m crazy or not. Don’t leave me hanging.”

Craig takes the spoon, forced apathy veiling his internal battle. Scooping a spoonful of cereal up, the taller boy stares at it for a moment before shoveling it into his mouth, and very pointedly ignoring the spoon that-

 _Oh._  
  
“...Holy shit,” Craig says around the mouthful of cereal, brows knitting in confusion.  “It tastes like everything is two inches to the right or some shit.”

The blond jumps up in his excitement, slapping his hands together before laughing. “I told you! It’s bizarre right?” Kenny seems triumphant in not being the only one to note his awful discovery.

Craig can’t fight the smile tugging at his lips, even if some alternate universe weirdness is happening in his mouth.  “Kenny, why would you do this to me? I thought we were friends.”

Kenny stops celebrating long enough to drag himself across the table, his hands snatch up Craig’s and pull them closer to him. His eyes are borderline comically wide, both inviting and imploring, “It’s because _we are_ friends that I had to share the truth with you.”

Craig hopes to God that the other boy can’t feel the erratic mess that is his heartbeat through his hands.  “Thanks,” he snorts, “I hate it.”

“Wait, do you hear that?" Kenny asks, looking around. Craig is a bit too distracted by the softness of Kenny's hands to really register what he's asking, "Craig, do you hear _The Goo Goo Dolls_?” Kenny blinks few times before he drops Craig’s hands in loo of searching around their table. “I hear Iris playing.”

He does too.  Craig hears the beautiful melody, the velvet of John Rzeznik’s voice, and can’t for the life of him figure out where it’s coming from.  Something in the back of his mind buzzes to life; a memory about the principal in elementary school and...Hootie and the Blowfish, and…

 _Jesus fuck, your gay thoughts are escaping your brain as love songs_.

Kenny stands up from his perch at the other side of the table and follows the music, with a laugh he sits down next to Craig and points down at his pocket. “It’s your phone, Einstein.”

“Thank _God_ ,” Craig mutters, fumbling to retrieve his phone from his pocket and giving the grinning boy next to him _a look_ before answering his phone. “Hey, Clyde.”

“Clyde, huh?” Kenny smirks, scooting closer with a twinkle in his eye. “Iris? For Clyde? Something I need to know, Craigo?”

Smacking the blond on the arm, Craig brings his attention back to his friend on the other end of the line.  “What’s up, dude?”

“Dearest Craigory, I bring jovial news to your kingdom!” Clyde’s voice erupts through his phone, and Craig pulls it back from his ear so he doesn’t rupture an eardrum.    
  
“What sort of jovial news would that be?”

“Okay so,” the brunette on the line continues, dropping his character almost immediately, “Bebs and I were supposed to go see 30 Seconds to Mars, but she had to cancel because of school shit. I know you think Jared Leto is a tasty snack, so I thought I’d offer them to you.”

The blond pouts while rubbing his arm where Craig hit him even though Craig knows damn well Kenny is playing it up, he didn't hit him hard enough to hurt. It's the moment Kenny hears Clyde say’s ‘30 Seconds to Mars’ that the blond's eyes light up. “Dude, did Clyde get tickets?” Kenny leans even closer, invading Craig’s personal space in an attempt to hear the other boy on the phone. “Clyde, can you hear me? It’s Kenny! I’m incredibly jealous that you’re going to see Jared Leto in person, and I hate you for it.”

Craig taps at his screen, putting Clyde on speakerphone so he wouldn’t have to play messenger.

“Kenny, my dude!” the other’s voice bursts from the speaker, a good natured laugh echoing in the cafeteria before Craig quickly lowers the volume on his phone.  “I’ve got two tickets, man. Maybe if you blow Craig or something he’ll take you with him.”

Kenny’s grin widens as he lifts his eyebrows, “That's all? That's easy peasy, drop them pants, Tucker. I really wanna see Leto.”

It’s a joke. Craig is well aware that it’s a joke, but now he’s thinking about it. And that mental image alone, of Kenny on his knees in the middle of the cafeteria, in front of God, their schoolmates, and Clyde on speakerphone, has Craig closer to an aneurism than he’s probably ever been in his life.  

“Ha, hilarious,” Craig manages to croak out, voice only wavering slightly. 

“Now I’m curious what you’d do for a Klondike bar,” Clyde cackles from the phone. “Craig, he’s dedicated. Bring him.”

The taller boy glances at the blond next to him, at the way his stupid beautiful mouth is stretched in a bright grin, how his freckles dance on his skin like stars in the sky.  “Who else would I even bring. ‘Course you can come.”

Kenny stares at Craig silently for a few moments until he practically explodes in excitement. His arms wrap around the taller boy, shaking him. “DUDE YOU’RE THE BEST! I gotta go tell everyone! THANKS CLYDE!” he yells into the phone before bouncing up and heading toward the exit of the cafeteria.

The warmth from Kenny’s tight embrace lingers on his skin as he watches the sandy blonde bound outside.  Craig wants to ignore the goosebumps on his arms, the little thrill shooting down his spine, but that would be like asking him not to breathe.

“Craig,” Clyde calls from the other end of the line, snapping the noirette back to reality. “Craig, buddy… you know I don’t like getting involved in your love life.”  
  
“Then don’t,” Craig hears himself reply, but it doesn’t deter the other boy.

“But remember what you told me when I was scared to ask out Bebs? You said, ‘Clyde Donovan, grow a pair. What’s the worst she can say? No?’” The brunette does his best Craig impression, and the taller boy can tell he’s trying so hard not to laugh throughout it.

A long sigh passes between Craig’s lips. Logically, he knows Clyde is right, and _logically_ he knows that the only one prolonging this torture is himself.  But what if he ruins things when they’re just at the precipice of becoming actual friends, or if he has to spend the next year avoiding the person he has to share a little shoebox of a dorm with.  Or-

“Dude,” Clyde’s voice cuts through the thoughts curling like black smoke in his mind, “I’m here for you.”

“I know,” Craig mutters, taking the brunette off speakerphone and bringing the device up to his ear. 

“Just because we’re at different schools doesn’t mean you’re alone.”

The words make the taller boy smile despite himself, “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“I made a promise, Mr. Frodo.”

“Oh my God, _Clyde_.”

“A promise. ‘Don’t you leave him, Samwise Gamgee’,” Clyde intones earnestly, the grin evident in his voice, “and I don’t mean to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared Leto is a whole damn meal.


End file.
